When did sleep become an option?

“Why won’t you go to sleep?” I found myself saying repeatedly to A last night. At 3 am, 4 am and 5 am before M rescued me and let me get a few precious hours of sleep. She’s at it again. You’ll recall earlier in the year, A went through a phase where she was waking a lot at night, leaving me exhausted. Well, she’s at it again.

The past few night have gone like this: diaper change, jammies, nurse, books, snuggle, followed by A’s acrobatics, flip flopping and then curling into me before falling asleep. She sleeps until midnight when she wakes me up for a cuddle or a request to nurse. That’s usually been fine in the past because she would usually go back to sleep again until 6:30 or 7 am. Now? Nope! Now she wakes at 4, if not a few more times before then, and tosses and turns forcing me to tackle and pin her so she can stop distracting herself long enough to fall asleep.

I partly blame co-sleeping for this, but feel like I’m trapped in training her to sleep on her own because of the amount of sleep I am going to lose getting her used to the new situation. It’s a catch 22 with sleep training at least having a long-term benefit. I also wonder if she’s going through another growth spurt, since she shot up 5cm in the latter part of the winter. I just don’t know.

Tonight I am going to try a nice warm bath followed with a bit of advil. If it’s growing pains, she’ll at least be free from that discomfort.

As for me? I’ll continue to be a zombie mom until it works out, or I learn to live without sleep. She’s a toddler now; I thought these days were supposed to be behind us?


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